Celebrating Goodbyes?

And here I sit in the middle of November with just 15 days to go and nothing planned for my 3rd blogoversary. 3rd? Oh my God! Is it really the third year of blogging? I feel like it was just yesterday we went cruising from A to Z on this very blog with so many wonderful people aboard! To be honest, amid the din I had completely forgotten about it. I thought of it only once, and I went like, Yeah right, like you deserve to celebrate, look at what you’ve written this year. And I took that thought, burnt in my own shame, and tucked the thought away somewhere in my jumbled mind!

Now that I look behind, it seems like just yesterday I had started working on my current project, which incidentally started in January. It seems like the busy-ness (if that’s a word) was a part of my life. The late-nights. The endless parties. The truckloads of work. The claps. The deadlines. The highs. Kurla station. Elaborate lunches. Shopping online. No time for Book-had. Some visits to the seaside. And a lot of talking.

So, I was returning home after watching the most amazing movie that Ranbir Kapoor has done—Rockstar—this Saturday. I was sitting on the railway station bench with a close friend. We were talking about various things when she asked me the all-important question—What are your plans for December? I looked at her and said, I don’t go to New Year parties, don’t you know that? She dismissed my remark and asked me about the blogoversary.

*Sigh*

I don’t know haven’t thought, I answered. I don’t think I even deserve to celebrate it.

Why not?

Just look at the writing I’ve done. And look at how the year went by! Where was I when the year was passing by?

Oh so what? You can celebrate the end of one year and the beginning of another.

Yes, that is what I do every time. 

So think about it! I will too.

Here I am thinking about it. I also have a list of prospective people I would want to invite to write for me. But my question here is, where was I when the year was passing by? I haven’t written much. I haven’t been on this blog more often than I would have liked. I never travelled by bus like I used to. I didn’t have hair-fall issues. Where was I? The project I am working on is coming to an end, and slowly everyone is moving on to other projects. It’s like standing at a crossroad and looking at everything disintegrating. Looking at people leave. Looking at smiles fading. Looking at the end coming right at you and waiting for your turn. Waiting for a day to end. Waiting for the time when they will tell you, it’s your time to go as well. This is the end. That’s all that we have to offer. Isn’t that what every year tells us in December too? This is all I had to give, now go get yourself another year. Isn’t that why people party to send off the old and ring in the new? Does partying help in saying Goodbye?

For me, this year is ending, and a lot of other things I held close and walking away too. It’s a little difficult for me. I feel like I am standing in a house and it’s getting emptier everyday. And one day, someone will come and tell me that I have to leave as well. I wonder how that would feel. For now, I know that everything in my life seems to be taking my leave. So long, I say with a heavy heart!

Besides, I do sleep alone at home in the nights these days anyway!

- Sameen

P.S: If you have any blogoversary ideas, please let me know. I shall be celebrating it. To mark the end and the beginning—at the same time—like always.

Image Source: http://www.phototravels.net/japan/pcd1663/bye-bye-girl-9.3.jpg

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